The Diner's Rookie Diary
by Sam Monson
2/4/2008
 
Well, the Diner figured that if we were going to spend our days talking football, and telling you guys what's what, we should also get involved where it counts – on the Gridiron. Over the breakfast meeting it was decided that as the first man out the door every time the cheque appears, I was the most athletically 'ready' of the Diner crew to take up the physical challenge of football, lucky me. After a quick attack of Google I had identified my team, the pros and cons had been weighed up, every possible aspect analysed, and this was the team most suited to my every need (they were the closest). I set off for my tryout with the Tallaght Outlaws of the IAFL (Irish American Football League).
 
At the crack of dawn on a crisp Sunday morning (well, ok, noon), I jogged down to the training facility (yea, yea ok, I drove down to a park) where the Outlaws were holding their pre-season training. Unfortunately, their brand of pre-season football didn't really agree with your humble Diner reporter, there was much running, and even more press-ups involved, and after 2 hours of pain and the unnecessary use of whistles, the phrase 'to hell with that' rushed with blinding intensity to the fore.
 
That was a blow, the faith your humble Diner reporter held in the game of football had been shaken to its foundations, could such a beautiful and violently fun game really have its basis in a Fascist coach with a whistle and a press-up fetish? All was not lost though; there was another option – the DCU Saints. The DCU team, located all the way on the north side of the city (shudder), were the next closest team. It was decided that I would go along, this time thinking ahead – I would stand on the sidelines and watch! – to see if another team would have another approach, or if the game of football at the grass roots level was really the nightmare of running and press-ups that it appeared to be.
 
So the next Sunday morning (it was 11am, that's morning!!) I made the arduous journey from civilisation across to the north side of the city, to the DCU Sports Ground, where the Saints were holding their pre-season training sessions. This my friends, was a different world. The Saints were training all in full pads, the running was kept to the warm-ups, and the actual position drills, and there was more than one football on show. What's more, the players looked less like the contents of a pub spilled out and dressed in shorts, there was at least a couple of biceps on show, and more than one guy looked like he might be able to run the length of a football field without dying. Ladies and gents, this was what football was supposed to look like. So, after a brief chat with the coach, and a raiding of the Diner piggy bank to buy some 'compression gear' – you know, the sexy lycra stuff that makes it look like you've got the body of an Adonis simply by squeezing your actual body into the correct shape – I was trying out as a wide receiver.
 
A couple of sessions later, I was in, a signed up member of the DCU Saints - #82.
 
Tune in for the next instalment of the Diner's rookie diary!